Monday, November 19, 2007

Have and Have Not

The ingrates have spoken to me through my television. “Stop ranting!” they say, “Go outside and live a healthy and productive life! Go outside and waste it! FOR FUCK’S SAKE DO SOMETHING!!!” Yet, my body refuses. It recoils at the merest touch of cool fresh air; my eyes sear and burn when in contact with anything but the dullest natural light.

As you can probably tell, the giving up of cigarettes is going surprisingly well. I’m still waiting on the much promised energy boost. Have I missed my chance? Is that all life boils down to, the binary opposition of missing a chance or taking it? The chance to give up smoking, to not get cancer, to get the right job, the right girl or to stay at university – is that the sum of our lives? What we have got and what we missed?

How did I even get here? Where is my mind leading me tonight? I mean, these aren’t even thoughts; these are just reactions to a blank page. Am I guessing what should be here?

Does it even matter?

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